Hearts in Journals: Entry One Percy
by Robin Gills
Summary: A journal entry, spilling feelings out onto a page. Slash. If you can't handle slash don't read.


Title: Hearts in Journals: Entry One- Percy

Author: Robin Gills

Rating: G

Pairing: Percy/Oliver

Summary: A journal entry, spilling feelings out onto a page.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, they all belong to JR Rowling and I did not make a profit from this what so ever.

_Dear Journal,_

I feel stupid writing this. Or for that matter even having this book in my possession. I don't want to think about what 'could' happen if this got out. But.. I need to talk to someone. At least someone else besides him. Because of how he always makes me feel when he's around me. I feel like a little kid! Writing to you like this. Good God! Were 'is' my brain. Well how about I tell you why I'm even trying this. Fred and George said maybe I should right in a 'diary'. They were making cracks at me again. And I thought I ought to try it. Well... not the diary part. Journal sound a bit better I think. Right, anyway, I have to tell someone even if it is just this stupid peace of parchment.

_I'm in love. (That was rather blunt) With the most wonderful person. Now don't gag when I tell you how it is. Promise? (Stupid of me) Well he (yes he) is the one of the best keepers (Quidditch of course) I have ever seen. He's also the captain of the team. He totally obsessed with the game. I can't blame him it is exciting, even just to watch it. (Maybe _

_that just cause he's out there playing) He tells me about how there going to win the Cup this year. Our last year... Its had to think that its been seven years. After this year I'm afraid that I'll never see him again._

_He's my best friend. (Or should I say my only friend) I'm sure we'll keep in touch now and again. He's told me about possibly being signed with a few Quidditch teams after we graduate. He says he's been offered to join the Puddlemere United reserve team. I'm happy for him. I'll probably find work at the Ministry and never see him again._

_I've never, of course, told him my feelings. He's my only friend. He understands me and I'm afraid that if I tell him. He'll be horrified or scared of me. Tell me I'm a pervert and never speak to me again. But then again. After this year, I won't see him again anyway. Maybe on the last day. I'll tell him. Then I'll be able to enjoy the friendship we use to _

_share and it'll last up till that day. And I think I could survive on just knowing that I tried. And I won't spoil the this last year of friendship._

_But I'll never forget the way he makes me feel. I relax only in his presence. He makes me feel giddy. (Giddy? Lord.. I'm losing it) I sometimes want to jump for joy, that he's my friend. I trust him with my heart. He once told me that he trusted me and that I am his only real friend, his best friend. It made me extremely happy and I still am. I told he that _

_he was my only friend and I trusted him also. He is my best friend and i'll cherish that for the rest of my life. He doesn't seem to treat me like everyone else does. He treats me like he friend he is, not like someone to be afraid of. To walk on eggshells around, afraid that if they do anything, I'll give them detention and take points away. But I'm not like that, _

_inside, at all. I suppose I do it to protect myself. I'll admit it, I am afraid to love someone, even Oliver. He never hinted that he 'loved' me. But being friends is just enough. Isn't it? Can I live with just being his friend. I desperately want to know if he does love me back. To know if he cares about me that much._

_He's never really had a girlfriend. I asked him about that once. He said that he'd never really found the right person. That he would know who he was to be with the rest of his life. I asked him how he would know who he was to be with. I hoped that he'd give me a sigh, anything to know that I could be anything more than a friend. He shock his head and said that it would just come to him. Hit him smack in the face. Then he dropped the subject and we had continued our essays._

_At night sometimes I wait for everyone to fall asleep. And I creep out of bed, over to his bed. He doesn't usually close the curtains, preferring the sun to wake him so he can get a few minutes of broom practice before he hits the school books. So I walk over to him. His eyes closed, his mouth slightly open as he breathes his life. He looks like a child, so innocent, so needed to be loved. (And I know that sounds corny, but its the truth!) I wish he would let me love him. Sometimes I dare myself and I lightly brush my lips against his. He feels so soft and warm. I want more, but I know its not possible. He murmurs in he sleep. Something about perfect? Brown locks hair falls across his forehead as he moves. I brush away his the strands. He murmurs again. And again he mutters something not understandable. I sigh to my self and watch him a few more minutes and then walk back to my own cold bed and think to my self how warm his must be. I think about how nice it would be to put my arms around him and just hug him close to me._

_I found out the most interesting thing the other day. I figured out what he smells like. It had stumped me for quite awhile. He smells like and all assortment of spices. Sage, is one off the top of head. He also smells like dew on the morning grass. I suppose that comes from the frequent morning flying practice. We almost always work on homework _

_together and it one of the excuse I use to sit and sneak peeks at him and just inhale the scent of him. It makes me want to know what he tastes like. What his kisses and skin would taste like. I imagine what he would taste like. I think he would taste like chocolate. He seems to like Chocolate Frogs a lot. But his scent never scenes to relax me._

_It's no secret. Penny is my girlfriend. But I don't love her the way I do Oliver. We do kiss, but its like kissing my sister Ginny! I don't feel any spark of life, I do when I kiss Oliver at night, with out him knowing. I think of Penny as more of an older sister. I've never really related to any girls minus Ginny. Because she never was really 'grown up' when I'm at _

_home. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister, just like my brothers (regretfully) and Ma and Pa. But everyone excepts the best from me, because of Bill and Charlie. Fred and George are on the Quidditch team, probably the best beaters we've had in a long time. Everyone just doesn't expect Head Boy, Percy Weasley, to break rules, to be gay. I don't _

_really like that word. It sounds awful and mean. Something to spit at. I don't like to think of my self in that way. I've tried many time to try to tell Penny, I would just like to be friends and I'd like to think of her as a sister. But I'm afraid she'll be crushed. I'll have to tell her eventually._

_We do spend a lot of time together, Oliver and I. I sometimes wake up early, with the sun and him though he knows not and I watch him dress and he leaves to the Quidditch pitch. I dress quickly and fallow. He has never caught on to my sneaking around. He enters the Quidditch pitch and I quietly sneak up to the bleachers and sit in the corner of them _

_and just watch him fly around the stadium. It must be fun to fly, to lose all your thoughts and just fly. Its as close as _

_you could probably get to being free. His face lights up with joy as he flies around. He is magnificent, his lean torso, muscular arms and legs. He swerves in-between his goals and then of to the other side to do the same. Sometimes I wish I was daring enough to take one of Fred or George's' brooms and fly with him. Just to know what it feels like. _

_What it feels like to be free. To not think of anything. Not what people would think if they found out, what people think of me now._

_Did you know? After Fred and George had gotten tired of teasing me, George told me something, when no one was around. You wouldn't believe what he said. I don't know if I should take him for serious. But he seemed to mean it, he did indeed seem to mean every word. He told me that he thought I was just the right person for him. I was shocked. _

_Did he know? 'How' did he know. How would he know anything about Oliver? My heart flew a million miles an hour. I suddenly had a nervous feeling in my stomach, like a dozen snitches in my stomach. He told me that he was lonely just like me. Then he had winked and disappeared after Fred. He never brought the subject up again. Thankfully and it didn't look like he had told anyone else. I presumed Fred knew also. I'm not sure if I should believe him, but this time he seemed so truthful._

_I think I should trust him, just this once. I'm over myself with happiness. Just the thought that someone else thinks I'm right for him, someone else knows and I didn't have to tell him. But then again. 'How' had they known. Was he really that easy to read? Was it that obvious that he was beside him self with love for another man? I'm not sure. Its so _

_confusing. I want to tell him, but the fear of being rejected is so great, I don't know if I could handle it. To be rejected would be pear torture for me. But... Its so hard... Does everyone have this much trouble with love?_

_I shall tell him, I think. When we graduate. I shall work on building up my courage and I will tell him._

_I will tell Oliver Wood that I love him. And I will live, what ever his response. To that I end this._

_ Perceval A. Weasley_


End file.
